Title: Stronger Author: Lioness Written: ??/??/?? Rating: PG-13 Part: 1/1 Disclaimer: Roswell doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Jason Katmis Productions, and The WB. All new ideas are mine. Summary: *Character Death* You Have Been Warned. Spoilers: Skin and Bones, Surprise I know what they think of me. I know that they don't like me. None of them do, and they have reason to not like me. Maybe they hate me. Maybe they feel obliged to help me when I need it. Like when Isabel went into that building after me. Was that out of obligation? Liz sure has a reason. I tried to steal Max from her. God, I know how she feels. I can remember him being in love with me. I remember how that made me feel. I know how that makes her feel. I guess it's only fair. She found him first on Earth. It really is a race, now isn't it? He doesn't remember when he loved me. I cry myself to sleep every night. I'm only as strong as they think I am. I can't get close to any of them. Not even the humans. I shouldn't refer to them that way. We aren't really all that different. But I still can't get close to anyone. Of course I'm not one who really needs close friends all the time. I suppose I'm closest to Isabel. I'm not trying to sound arrogant, but I think Isabel needed me. She was always in the middle of all the arguments that would protrude between Max and Michael. I hardly know them. That's it. I can't seem to know them. Maybe I feel different, because I know what it was like before. I know what I'm supposed to do, and how to do it. Maybe it's just that I don't feel like I've been on Earth until now. Now that I don't have Nasedo always telling me that we can't get close and that we can't feel. I'm stronger than that. I pray. * I sat at the back booth at the Crashdown. I looked at the desert scene that's painted on the wall. It reminded me of everything I'd seen in my dreams. But most everything does that to me anymore. I ate my planet burger and thought about my past. I dwelled in the past so badly. I needed to move on, but it was so easy to think about the little bits of memories and feelings. I loved those feelings. I wanted to take them and put them in a scrap book so I could have them with me always. I didn't notice Max come into the cafe`. But I did notice when he sat down across from me. I looked up at him, not knowing what to say. I never really did. I always felt like the enemy. "Tess, we need to talk." No kidding. I've been wanting to talk to him for the past eleven years. "What is it, Max?" "It's Liz. She's sick." I nodded. I didn't really understand what this had to do with me. Maybe he was saying that if she died I could be with him. I doubted that. I doubted she was that sick. I sounded sick. He played with the pepper shaker. "I don't how to say this, because I know you're not Liz's biggest fan, but-" "You are." "What?" "You're her biggest fan." I said, tucking some hair behind my ear. He blinked a couple of times, like he really didn't understand what I said. Or maybe I should have just kept my mouth closed and let him speak. But it didn't matter. He ignored my comment and continued. "Liz is sick and I was hoping that you could, help us." Max said slowly. "Why don't you call a doctor." I said coldly. I knew how Liz felt about Max, and knew how she felt about me. I wanted to make things different between us, but pride and just plain jealousy kept me back. I hoped I was stronger than that, but it turned out that I wasn't. Max seemed hurt by what I said. "Liz caught something from me, and a doctor wouldn't be a good idea. Tess, you know more about us than anyone else. We need your help." I inhaled deeply. It wasn't that I didn't want to help Max, it was that I didn't want to help Liz. I was that fucking bitter. But that aside, "I'll help you Max." I didn't say that I wanted to help her. * "What is it that she caught from you?" I asked as we walked up the stairs to the second floor, where the Parker's lived. "I had some sort of cold for a few days, and everyone really worried because you know, sickness doesn't come often. And then it blew over, but today Liz called me and told me she was sick. She basically caught the same thing, but it had some weird side effects on her." I should have said something there. Maybe nodded like I was paying attention. And I was, but I couldn't really get past the part where he mentioned that everyone worried. I didn't worry. Of course, I didn't know. I felt like they only called me when they needed me or when they made some big discovery that I might know something about. It hurt. Max knocked on the door. Maria opened it. "Good, you got her." "Reluctantly," I heard Max whisper to her. "I don't really think she wants to help Liz." "But she wants to help you, right?" Maria whispered back. They acted like I wasn't standing two feet away from them. Maria showed me to Liz's room. Alex and Isabel where there. I wondered if Isabel was there for Alex or Max. Her being there for Liz would have surprised me. After I thought that, I felt like such a snob. Liz looked awful. She had sweat running down her face, and her eyes were all swollen and red. I couldn't help but feel sorry for her, and then I wondered, what if she was that sick? "Do you know what it is?" Maria asked me like I was a doctor. I shook my head. "I don't know yet." I decided to play doctor. Maybe it made them feel secure or something. And I did know a few things about alien sicknesses. "Um, could you all leave? I don't know exactly how this is going to go, and I might have to do a few things might creep you out." "Like what?" Alex asked. "I don't know. I'm not exactly sure what's wrong, but the longer we stand here and debate the shorter chance she has of me having enough time to figure everything out." That cleared the room out. I asked Isabel to stay. I figured I could use some help, and I think it made everyone feel more comfortable. I don't know if they thought that I would murder Liz and tell them it was too late. I couldn't believe that thought entered my head. I guess I spent too much time around Nasedo. "Okay, Isabel, can you get me a few things?" I asked. I knew that Isabel didn't like being given orders, so that's why I asked so nicely. And maybe she cared, unlike me. She nodded. "Packs of ice, thermometer, blankets, and orange juice." "Orange juice?" "It has Vitamin C. That fights sickness, and maybe it fights whatever she has. It doesn't hurt to try." I said. Isabel left to get the things I requested. I knelt down next to the bed. She looked at me through the one eye that wasn't completely swollen shut. "What are you doing here?" She asked hoarsely. "Don't talk." I said. "And I'm here to help. Max." She nodded slowly, but didn't say anything. "Open your mouth." I said. She did and I looked inside. It was redder than blood. I tried to keep my cool, so she wouldn't freak out. Isabel came back in. "I got a wet washcloth too. For her head. It was Maria's idea." I nodded. "Good. Liz, are you warm or are you cold?" She looked at me through her one eye. I think she was too weak to glare at me. And probably too weak to cuss me out. "Cold." I put my hand on her head. She was burning up. I didn't know what the thermometer would end up reading. I took it from Isabel and put it in her mouth. I glanced at her neck. It was a deep red color. I unbuttoned her pajama shirt. Her entire chest was the same color. I took the ice packs and covered her neck and chest with them. It seemed only logical. Just then the thermometer popped. It scared me half to death, probably taking a year off my life. "My god." Isabel said. I guess it scared her too. Liz really didn't notice. She was too busy being sick. I took the pieces of the thermometer and tossed it in the trash. I didn't say anything. I didn't think anything needed to be said. I looked at Isabel. "I have no idea what this is." She looked back at me, very worried. "Something like this happened to Michael last year." She said softly, so Liz wouldn't hear. "It looks a lot like the same thing." I nodded. I remembered them telling me about that. I wasn't sure what to do in that case. Just as softly I said back to her, "What do you think we should do?" "Try the healing stones?" She didn't sound to sure about that. I nodded again. "It can't hurt. I don't know what else to do." "They're at my house. I'll have Max go get them. And have him call Michael. The more people we have..." She trailed off as she walked out of the room quickly. "Am I going to die?" I turned around. "What?" "Am I going to die?" Liz asked softly. I closed my eyes briefly. I didn't know what to say. "We're working toward the positive." I said, really not saying anything at all. "So, I'm going die, then. Be honest with me, Tess." I walked over and sat gingerly on the edge of her bed. "I don't know if you're going to die." I almost said 'I hope you don't' at this point, but I didn't. I felt that way, but my mouth wouldn't say the words. "But the chance is there?" She asked before coughing. "The chance is there." I confirmed. "Isabel is going to go get the healing stones." "Why? I'm not alien." "Right, but if you caught something from Max...we're exploring all the options." I said. She nodded weakly. We sat in silence for a few minutes. "Tess, if I die, I want-" She coughed. "I want you to be with Max." I looked away from her. "Max wouldn't want me. Not anymore." Liz coughed violently. I handed her the glass of orange juice. She took it graciously. She drank a few sips. She handed the glass back to me. "You say that he loved you." "He did...he just can't remember." I sputtered. It was strange having Liz on my side. "I don't think he ever will." She closed her eyes. "If you give him time. I'm sure." "Liz, don't close your eyes. Keep looking at me." I said urgently. She opened her eyes. "Why do you care?" "I didn't care. I was doing this for Max. I was so jealous of you, and I became a very bitter person because of it. And I didn't like myself like that. I'm sorry." "Well, as long as we're being honest." She coughed. "I hated you. You tried to steal Max away from me. I'm sorry too." "Don't be. You have no reason to be sorry. At first I didn't think of it as stealing. I thought of it as taking back what was rightfully mine. Then I realized that Max wasn't property. He deserved to be with whoever he wanted to." I said feeling tears burn at my eyes. I was getting close to Liz, and she was dying. "Tess, are you crying?" So I was. I wiped at the tears. "Yeah, I guess I am." Just then Isabel came in. "I have the stones. Should I bring everyone in?" I looked at Liz. "You want that?" She nodded. "Anything." "Bring them in." She walked out for a few moments and then came back in with everyone. Max went straight for the bed. She knelt down so his face was level with hers. I began to cry again. There was no way Max would ever want to be with me. If Liz died he'd end up being a lonely recluse. Michael walked by me. He put his hand on my shoulder for a moment and then walked on. I don't know what the meant, but it was comforting. Especially since Max was no comfort. Of course he was the one who needed comforting. He was crying his eyes out over her. And I wasn't the person who he would want as a comforter. We tried. The stones didn't seem to work. Then the worst thing happened. Liz died. Right there, she died. Max pressed his face down on the bed, holding her hand. I could hear him crying. Maria fled the room. Michael walked after her. Alex didn't move. He dropped the stone in his hand, but besides that, he didn't move. Isabel sat down, right there on the floor. She didn't cry. She just sat there looking off into space. The tears I was already crying came down harder. I left the small apartment and sat down on the stairs that led to the small cafe`. I cried. After...God only knows how long Isabel came out and sat down next to me. "Are you all right?" I shook my head. "I tried. Isabel, I tried." She nodded and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "I know you did." I shook her off. "I should have...I-I should tried harder!" "You did all you could, Tess. And that was more than anyone expected from you when it came to Liz." She said, her voice sounding rather harsh. I looked at her. "It was more than I expected of myself. I thought if I was stronger I could give her my strength." She smiled sadly. "It was worth a shot." I wiped the tears from my face. "What will I say to Max?" The question was rhetorical, but Isabel answered. "I tried. And you couldn't have expected any more than that from me." * I don't know what they told Liz's parents. Maybe they told them the truth, but nothing is what it seems, so I doubt that. I did talk to Max four days later at Liz's funeral. I didn't mention what Liz said to me. Maybe he would know later on when there were no other temptations. I'm still not close to anyone. I was close to Liz for ten minutes, and it's kept me optimistic. I take her with me wherever I go now. Maria has been in a purple haze for the past few weeks and Michael has had a hard time dealing with it. I know he loves her, and even though Isabel has about fifty guys on her mind at all times (I sound snobby again, I know.) I know it hurts her. Maybe I am close to Isabel now. We don't talk like we did that day on the stairwell. It's hard to get close with her. I feel more tolerated now. I still feel like the enemy. And I don't feel that I've gotten stronger. I pray. I haven't found anyone to pray to. I've been reading Kyle's book on Buddhism, but I don't think that's for me. Kyle is a mystery. He didn't go to Liz's funeral, and he hasn't spoken ever since he found out. I spotted him at the cemetery though. To be stronger is what I desired and I couldn't give Liz my strength. I lacked it. But Liz gave me her strength. I am stronger. End...